wakey wakey hands off snakey
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
