Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
