i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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