We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
