the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there's paper in my vomit.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
