im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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