The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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