so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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