But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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