I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
