She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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