I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
