literally had 100 drinks last night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
