New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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