Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
