you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
