he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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