I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
