Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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