His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
