Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you would pick up someone in the library
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
