The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
