The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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