I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
