Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
