It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
