My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
