Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
