Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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