I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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