apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
