As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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