btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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