well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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