I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
