I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
