I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
