Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
