I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
