you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
