You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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