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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
