Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
