So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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