shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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