nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
