I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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