Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
