just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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