Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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